Peacefully Parenting a Strong-Willed Child

There are many positives to having a strong-willed child. They’re usually more courageous. They have high self-esteem, and they aren’t afraid to stand up for themselves. Those are characteristics that will serve them well throughout their life and well into adulthood. 

But, right now, when you feel like you’re at your wits’ end because of that strong-willed child, it might be hard to recognize some of those positive attributes. 

It’s true that a strong will can lead to disobedience. You might consider your child to be stubborn and difficult to handle sometimes. But there are things you can do to parent a strong-willed child peacefully. A few simple strategies can help to create fewer “battles” and let your child’s strengths shine without so much conflict in the home.

Keep Your Emotions in Check

Even if your child is strong-willed, they still look to you as a role model for everything they do. So, even when you’re frustrated, burnt out, and feel like you might snap because you’re tired of their stubborn nature, stay calm. 

Keeping your emotions in check and displaying what it means to work through things calmly can make a big difference in how you interact with your child—and vice versa. By staying calm, you’ll de-escalate just about any tense situation. That can calm down your high-energy child and allow you both to communicate more clearly. 

Be an Active Listener

Strong-willed kids are often very sensitive. They need to feel safe, heard, and understood. If they don’t, they’re going to continue to speak up—louder. They’ll be disobedient to get attention, and they’ll stand their ground because they have a deeply rooted need to get their point across. 

Things don’t need to escalate that far. 

Choose to listen to your child and what they have to say. Don’t just hear them—listen. Don’t give in to distractions. Ask questions when you need clarification. Use nonverbal cues to let them know you’re paying attention. When your child feels heard and valued, they’re less likely to be forceful. 

You might also be surprised that by listening to your child, it will be easier to see things from their perspective. They likely have a reason for their stubbornness. Being able to get to the bottom of it will help you both understand each other better. 

Offer Choices

You probably don’t need to be reminded that a strong-willed child doesn’t usually like being told what to do. But, as a parent, you need to maintain an authoritative role. So, instead of laying down the law and giving a command, offer reasonable choices. 

Give your child two or three choices that you’re okay with. When they’re able to decide, they’ll feel a sense of empowerment that can help to eliminate the risk of a conflict. It could be as simple as giving them two options for dinner or what to wear to school in the morning. It’s a small win that will make a big difference. 

Take Care of Yourself

Parenting, in general, is hard work. Parenting a strong-willed child can be downright exhausting. But you can’t pour from an empty cup. While you might want to give everything to your child at every moment, you must make time for self-care. It isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.

Something as simple as getting enough sleep or exercising regularly can help you feel better mentally and physically. Journaling, mindfulness, and meditation can also help with your mental well-being. 

Finally, don’t be afraid to talk to someone if you’re struggling with burnout. Therapy is a great way to not only manage your mental health but also learn more strategies for peacefully parenting a strong-willed child.